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АХАХАХА АНЕКДОТ СПИЗДИЛИ ХАХАХА

An Army officer, a Naval officer, and a Ranger are captured...

By a strange tribe, deep in the jungle. The people of the tribe confer briefly, and then the chief walks up to the Army officer. "We've decided to kill you," he began, "and make a canoe out of your skin. However, in deference to your rank, we have decided to allow you to choose the manner in which you die."

The officer nods, and replies "If you'll just bring me my sidearm, and a single round, I'll take care of it for you." They do as he asks, and he shoots himself in the head.

Next, the chief speaks to the Naval officer. He gives him the same spiel. The officer explains that they were always a bit gun shy, but if the chief would provide some poison, he'd happily take it. The chief provides some poison, and the Naval officer offs himself.

Finally, the chief visits the Ranger. He explains the situation. The Ranger thinks for a few seconds, and replies "A fork."

"Excuse me?" Says the chief.

"Bring me a fork." The Ranger says

Perplexed, the chief brought him a fork. Without a moment's hesitation, the Ranger starts stabbing with the fork. All up and down his arms, on his legs, his torso, just stabbing like a madman.

"What are you doing??!" The chief asked "That has got to be the *most* painful way to die!"

The Ranger looked up, with a glint in his eye, and shouts "FUCK YOUR CANOE!"

[#124650] [23.05.2020 08:56] [Ответить:10 ] [R13]
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Что за закорючки ты тут понаписал пидр?

[#124653] [23.05.2020 09:02] [Ответить ] [R1]   Ответы:>>124655

>>124653 Спик инглиш плёс, Ай кэн'т андерстенд ё кококо!

[#124655] [23.05.2020 09:05] [Ответить ] [R13]  [ОП]  

проиграл с подливой

A young Army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade
, but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.

Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.

He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the General was interviewing three servicemen who were candidates for his headquarters staff.

The first was a Squadron Leader pilot from Air Force , and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, 'Do you notice anything different about me?' The young officer answered, 'Why, yes, Sir, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears.' The general was displeased with his lack of tact and threw him out.

The second interview was with a Naval Lieutenant Commander, and he was even better. The General then asked him the same question, 'Do you notice anything different about me?' He replied sheepishly, 'Well, sir, you have no ears.' The General threw him out also.

The third interview was with an Infantryman and a commando qualified Major.

The General liked this guy, and went ahead with the same question, 'Do you notice anything different about me?' To his surprise the Major said, 'Yes, sir, you wear contact lenses.'

The General was very impressed and thought, 'What an incredibly observant officer, and he didn't mention my ears.'

He asked, 'Major, how do you know I wear contacts?' 'Well, sir,' the officer replied, 'It's pretty hard to wear glasses with no f******g ears.'

[#124660] [23.05.2020 09:19] [Ответить ] [R8]  [ОП]     Ответы:>>124661

>>124660 Я тоже оподливился!

若い陸軍将校が手榴弾によって頭部に重傷を負った
、しかし唯一目に見える永久的な損傷は、彼の両耳が切断されたことでした。

彼の残りの審問で十分だったので、彼は陸軍に留まった。その数年後、彼は最終的に少将に昇進した。

しかし、彼は自分の外見に非常に敏感でした。ある日、将軍は本部職員の候補者である3人の軍人に面接していた。

最初は空軍の飛行隊長パイロットで、素晴らしいインタビューでした。インタビューの終わりに将軍は彼に尋ねました、「あなたは私について何か違うことに気づいていますか?」若い警官は、「なぜ、はい、サー、私はあなたが耳がないことに気づかざるを得ませんでした」と答えました。将軍は彼のタクトの欠如に不満を抱き、彼を追い出した。

2番目のインタビューは海軍副司令官によるもので、彼はさらに優れていました。それから将軍は彼に同じ質問をしました、「あなたは私について何か違うことに気づきますか?」彼はひどく答えた、「そうですね、あなたには耳がありません。」将軍も彼を追い出した。

3番目のインタビューは、歩兵とコマンドーの資格を持つ少佐とのインタビューでした。

将軍はこの男が好きで、同じ質問をしました、「あなたは私について何か違うことに気づいていますか?」驚いたことに少佐は言った、「はい、サー、あなたはコンタクトレンズを着用しています。」

将軍は非常に感銘を受け、「信じられないほど警戒している警官であり、彼は私の耳に言及しなかった」と考えました。

彼は尋ねた、「少佐、私が連絡先を着ていることをどうやって知っていますか?」 「まあ、サー」、警官は答えた、「f ****** gの耳のない眼鏡をかけるのはかなり難しいです。」

[#124661] [23.05.2020 09:23] [Ответить ] [R19]   Ответы:>>124662

>>124661 Еще один анекдот от американских военных, снова спизжен пидорахами

One time there was an army camp in India that just received a new commander. During the new commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp. The commander asked what it was for, one of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while explained to him that the men sometimes get lonely since there where no woman there so they have the camel. The commander just let that go, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. The men did, and he went to work on it. After about an hour the commander came out zipped up his pants and said, "So is that how the other men do it?" One of the men responded, "No we usually just use the camel to ride into town."

[#124662] [23.05.2020 09:28] [Ответить ] [R6]  [ОП]  

Блять, еще один, тоже спизжен.

An Army officer and an air force officer are peeing at urinals next to each other. The air force officer finishes first and goes to wash his hands. The Army officer then finishes and goes to walk out. The Air force officer calls out, "Hey! In the Air force they teach us to wash our hands after we pee!" The Army officer stopped, turned round and said "In the Army they teach us not to piss on ourselves."

[#124664] [23.05.2020 09:29] [Ответить ] [R8]  [ОП]  

Пидорахи даже своих анекдотов придумать не могут, все воруют.

И этот, правда я читал его в варианте с монашками.

An Army officer decides to inspect soldiers recovering in one of the field hospitals he commands. He marches into one of the tents, goes up to the first private he sees and barks, "What's your affliction, private?"

Standing at attention, "Venereal warts, SIR!"

He then asks, "And what treatment are you getting?"

"Five minutes with the wire brush every day, SIR!"

Finally he asks, "And what's your ambition, soldier?"

"To get back to the frontline, SIR!"

He goes up to the next private, "What's your affliction, private?"

"Chronic piles, SIR!"

"And what treatment are you getting?"

"Five minutes with the wire brush every day, SIR!"

"And what's your ambition, soldier?"

"To get back to the frontline, SIR!"

On it went until the officer had nearly made it through the whole ward. He goes up to the last private, looking like he may die at any moment.

Taking it down a notch, "What's your affliction, son?"

"Gingivitis, sir."

"And what treatment are you getting?"

"Five minutes with the wire brush every day, sir."

"And what's your ambition, soldier?"

"TO GET THE WIRE BRUSH BEFORE THOSE OTHER GUYS, SIR!!"

[#124665] [23.05.2020 09:35] [Ответить ] [R8]  [ОП]  

Ты говори по русски, ёбаный! Мне твоя иностранщина не нужна блять!

[#124709] [23.05.2020 11:58] [Ответить ] [R10]   Ответы:>>124715

>>124709 Learn language of the Civilized World, moron!

[#124715] [23.05.2020 12:15] [Ответить ] [R13]  [ОП]  

Хуй из жопы спиздили

[#124719] [23.05.2020 12:18] [Ответить ] [R1]
Назад в /b/
Назад и не обновлять
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